Even Sugar's Bigger in Texas

Sugar and Spice and Sometimes Not so Nice. Sex positive. Inter-sectional feminism. Anti-racism. Body positivity. I'm a good girl...I'm just very bad at it.




when a POT and I are in allowance talk and they ask me how much I want, I respond with “How much do you think I’m worth?”

9 times out of 10, they will offer more than they originally would have, as not to piss you off or offend you. 

Just something that works for me that I thought I’d share.

Haven’t tried that one.

Interesting strategy!

(via plussizesugarbabe)

Testing a Theory.


I saw a post about a girl who had a profile where she made it so outlandishly “Treat me like the fucking queen I am” that she was even laughing at herself when she did it. Then, all of a sudden, she got more replies to that profile than any other one she created.

So I tried it out.

I wrote…

Anonymous asked: I know this is a LOT to ask, and understand if you don't want to, but i was wondering if you could give some examples of ways you ask for gifts, and especially of ways you convert from gifts to allowances, the main area i struggle with when dealing with men I meet freestling. Thank you so much for all of the advice you have provided on this blog also xxx


Meh, I don’t know how to explain it properly.

But I’m pretty straightforward. Like, I establish from the beginning that nothing comes easy or free with me. We go on a date, I need a new outfit. And I will tell a guy this in all seriousness:

Him: So Can I take you out on Monday?

Me: Yes, but I need you to buy me a new outfit for me, I have nothing to wear

Him: I’m sure you will find something in your closet.

Me: No this is really serious, I have nothing to wear. Besides are you seriously about to pass up the chance to potentially see my fabulous body naked while changing. You seriously don’t want to help me fasten a button or two or undo a zipper? What kind of man are you? OMG, Please don’t be gay…

Him: ………*shocked*

Me: Look, All I have are my work clothes and I refuse to wear them on a date. I like you, but I can just as easliy not go and get my work done. I have to seriously set aside things in order to go on a date with you. This is going to cause me undue stress later on that your probably never going to know about. You’ll think, oh wow I had a great time and I’ll be like FUCK I have a deadline….The least you can do is give me something to remember fondly, besides this is a way for us to hang out more. If your serious, I can spare an hour for shopping and like 2-3 for the date.

Him: Are you serious?

Me: Um yes. If your not interested, then I guess this is the end………I don’t want to waste anyones time….

Him: Wait a minute, let me see what I can do, when are you free?

Depending on the situation I just alternate the convo. Then I just keep asking everytime they want to go out. It helps to add a small dose of humor to it.

Him: Hey, are you free Thursday? I thought we could go to this cool club.

Me: Uhhh, I do not have club clothes….

Him: Let me guess, you want to buy some?

Me: I’m glad we had this conversation………

Eventually it gets to a point where they know what to assume from me and they either take it or leave it. But the main point is that they understand that my time can never be wasted and that everything they buy me is an investment. You plant in their minds that you will think fondly about them when you look at the shoes, the dress, jewelry, anything they buy. But don’t act entitled. You need a medium, make them know you appreciate the gifts they give you but without them you both would not be where you both are in the relationship. YOU ALWAYS HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO…

I give it a month of this before preparing to pop the “allowance question”, now keep in mind this is usually a month of twice or three time weekly meetings (breakfast, lunch and dinner), 30-60 minute weekly phone calls, daily or every other day texts (often times less and it’s only direct questions like ” Hey do you know about X. I just saw it and thought of you?” Maybe 20 messages max and thats it. I don’t have the time to sit and text.). So after all that I have a ‘minor crisis’ my fave is pretending my phone has been suspended (you need an app like YouMail or something to do it) and the bill needs to be paid, and the reason why is because I have a tiny ass plan and that I’ve been really talking with him and using up everything. They will be flattered and pay it for you and thats when you bring up the allowance.

Me: Like I feel so silly about this…..

Him: It’s okay, I’m just sorry you didn’t say anything earlier, I didn’t know I was using up your phone like that.

Me: Yeah, Im not a phone person too much so I have the minimum needed.

Him: Well its done now…

Me: listen, we are really spending alot of time together now and I just feel that its starting to take away from my work. Like I’m starting to loose money and I have so many bills to pay. Is there honestly anyway you could help me pay some of them each month? 

Him: What like an allowance?

Me: If you want to be high school about it then yes. I mean its only fair, you make way more than me and it costs you nothing to see me but I have to struggle each time. I like you but something has to give. Plus, its an investment in our relationship, we like each other, we have to make it easier for us to grow. The easiest way is if you can support me a bit.

Him: How much are we talking?

Me: Well, it cost me 10K a month to maintain my lifestyle……..

and from there negotiations begin…..if we go below then I make it known I can not see him as much or talk to him. If we go higher then, shit stays the same, LOL. It’s up to you at that point.

But before all this can happen, you need to establish that your time is GOLD. You need to seem like the type of women who can get any man she wants, when she wants. Your just with him because he makes your life easier. If he wasn’t helping you, you don’t care if he can get a million other girls, the fact is HE CAN NOT HAVE YOU AND YOU ARE SPECIAL. People love what they can’t have.

Be a unicorn dudette, be so magical he can’t imagine life without you. This is why I stress that you need to build yourself and know your worth.

I seriously am thinking that 90% of problems SB’s face are because they do not know themselves. Like honestly, when you have a tight ship, people see that and gravitate to you, Everyone is broken somehow and missing pieces of them selves, but when you walk around with a shopping cart in front of you picking up your pieces calmly, you will be respected and people will help you find your own parts over finding theirs.

All that I said is how I go about things. Everyone has a different situation and I honestly can’t help with that. But at least let this be a guide to creating your own template.

Nothing anyone says will help you unless you put it into your own context.

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